In the last four to six weeks I have been attempting to try to reemerge into the world I live in.   I never know at what point I will be propelled, there is no way to predict every trigger or thought that reminds me of the person I've lost.  I can try and avoid … Continue reading In the Matrix →

There are significant moments that you cannot relive and you have a difficult time putting into words the exact feeling that came over you during that moment.   This is why people don't always share these moments.  They know that they can never retell it to the point someone will have that same feeling to that … Continue reading My Deerest →

One of the first things I picked up from my daughter's apartment was my coffee mug given to me by a friend.  It was an image of a zebra with the words "nothing is ever black or white".  It seemed fitting for the situation.  When I tried to look up reasons for insomnia, and the … Continue reading It’s complicated →

In a loss, there are so many things not talked about.  I imagine because the only people who can talk about it are broken people.  I have skimmed a few books about the stages of grief.  They sounded as cold as the process of dissecting a frog.  Not to be harsh on the educated people with … Continue reading Broken wings that fly →

I haven't written in my blog in a while.  I write about loss and traveling through it, but I hit a roadblock of numbness that left me unable to do more than function.   The loss of a child for a parent means you not only need to care for your own needs but for the … Continue reading Unseen is not Absent →

Teenagers are the first to offer critique to their parents.  It's one of the first harsh lessons in parenting that no one really tells you about.  I remember my youngest daughter, as a toddler, asking me why I was so squishy once.  I think that was the end of mother-toddler shower time.   Teenagers always tell … Continue reading Helping Herons →

Tender Mercies are something that I have realized are my only little life rafts I have to cling to in this storm of destruction.   When my mother was in the hospital a year ago recovering from sepsis, I brought her a coloring book.  She made me a little poster with a tea-cup and a part … Continue reading Tender Mercies →

    In the recent news, famous Anthony Bourdain took his life.  The week before Kate Spade took hers.   Everyone on social media stated their shock of such successful people loosing their battles with mental health.    I read multiple articles looking for more insight into these tragedies.  Why would people who were amazingly talented … Continue reading Depression is not a Demon →

When I was in NOLA, right after the loss of my daughter, I found myself wandering around the co-op art gallery.  I couldn't stand most of the tourist stuff, the hurricanes, the beads, or the general happiness of tourists in town.  I ducked into the gallery that was owned by multiple artists.   For whatever reason, … Continue reading Hidden Angels →