As I stood in the shower for the second time today, under extremely hot water trying to shake the chills that I seemed to develop from Montezuma revenge, It hit me that this happens to me every time I go to any Latin culture, but it's not going to stop me from going.  My first … Continue reading Celebrating Veteran’s Day ill, and why I wouldn’t change a thing. →

"Hold on tight a little longer, What doesn't kill ya makes ya stronger. Get back up, Cause it's a hard love.  You can't change without a fallout.  It's gonna hurt, but don't you slow down.  Get back up, cause it's a hard love." Hard Love by NeedtoBreathe This song has been playing in my head … Continue reading Fallout →

  Packing list, headphones, laptop, toiletries, four dress casual outfits, grief.  That was my basic packing list as I headed for a nursing conference I had been scheduled to go to for over a year.  I couldn't imagine leaving, I was having a difficult week mentally and felt exhausted just thinking about it.    My … Continue reading A Side of Grief, Hold the Guilt →

I am dry brittle grass in a desolate rain forsaken land waiting for a careless word to ignite my combustible fuel.   All the makings of an inferno at any moment just waiting to burn and consume.   It is not an intentional transformation.  It started when my world was shaken and the true realization that there … Continue reading He never let’s go →

Watching Mama Mia seems like a safe place to hang out with your girlfriend while trying to reemerge back into society.  Of course, during the movie, there's an intense mother-daughter scene that had me blubbering uncontrollably. I was a bit mortified at first, I didn't have a tissue, my friend felt horrible, but I recovered … Continue reading Shhh don’t say PTSD →

Over and over, in my head, over the last few months, I would hear that song from the Chili's commercial. "I want my baby back, baby back, baby back."  I want my baby back, baby back, baby back..."   It would come to me when I just didn't want to deal with grief anymore.    I'd … Continue reading A big pile of Nope →

Shock and Awe refer military tactics to overwhelm an adversary and to paralyze it, to "seize control of the environment and overload perception and understanding of events so the enemy is incapable of resistance," Wikipedia.  This is a definition of straight up grief.   It is a paralyzing, overwhelming, stimulation and perceptual overload.   The shock is … Continue reading The after SHOCK and AWE fulness →

XOXO Xoxo Xoxo xoxo xoxo xoxo xoxo xoxo xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox This post is about the choices you make without knowing you are making them.  Stop reading if you find the subject of loss and pain as a downer.   It’s ok I won’t judge you.  The rest of you, please continue reading ...... Minutes after the … Continue reading Are you In or Out? →

I know that I get messages, and I know that God, and definitely my daughter in heaven, also, have a sense of humor.  I woke up last night remembering this picture my mother-in-law sent me, as I was knee-deep in buffalo check, helping my new-found grief mama friend with her awesome foundation.   But Buffalo Plaid … Continue reading Buffalo check →

Hitting a pause on my posts about loss.  Though to be honest, I did find myself on day two of high school without school supplies purchased.  To be fair, the flipping school won't unwrap the mystery of your classes until the morning of the first day, leaving parents of teens clueless as to what they … Continue reading My Mother’s Words →