The Leprosy of Loss

In the late hours of 2015 Mikenna got mono.  It came as a surprise to us because in 8th grade her best friend and her shared everything and they both tested positive for mono.  This was the first time I learned that although the virus lays dormant, some people have it reactivated.  Those people are … Continue reading The Leprosy of Loss


Signs and Butterfly Kisses

In nursing, we learn to look for signs and symptoms that lead to nursing diagnosis.  If you follow the clues, they usually lead to the problem or the source.     What if you were broken and lived in a world where you asked your source for signs?    It's like an equation in my mind.  … Continue reading Signs and Butterfly Kisses

Kintsugi, The Art of Being Broken

I walked into work in my normal groggy, grumpy mood.  It was 0615 and my coffee hadn't kicked in enough to care about whatever shenanigans were going on with the assignments for the day.   The operating room assignments for the nursing staff can be an unfun task for the head nurse and I was thankful … Continue reading Kintsugi, The Art of Being Broken

Into the Storm

I was driving home from visiting my oldest daughter for her birthday.  It's a long tedious drive I had done dozens of times.  After losing her sister, only 20 months younger than her, and her best friend, I count every birthday as a blessing.   She finally looked like my beautiful girl again, except now she … Continue reading Into the Storm

Defining Moments

If you've ever seen the movie Yes Man, with Jim Carrey, then you might relate to this bizarre phase of grief and healing I have been going through.    In the movie, the main character has suffered the loss of his marriage and has a negative outlook on himself and life in general.    He attends … Continue reading Defining Moments

Come Closer and Stay Away

Isolation, the result, and the enemy of most of us, is also sort of a commodity.  To not have to answer questions about how you are feeling, what you plan on doing or what you did over the weekend.  The truth is that my feelings changes from day to day, hour to hour and minute … Continue reading Come Closer and Stay Away

If We Loved People Like We Loved Trees

    Staring at the rhododendron in my memorial garden I realized it was going through stress.  My neighbor, concerned a limb would hit his roof, had cut some of the limbs from the large oak back to the main branch.  The tree was not harmed, but the purple bush below it now was exposed … Continue reading If We Loved People Like We Loved Trees

Defining Grounded

The conversations around my house for weeks were centered around Prom.  You can blame Disney, social media, or our culture, but being a pretty princess is somewhere in our DNA or at least part of our little girl daydreams.   The talk was on dresses and shoes, clutches and nails, dinner and transportation, make-up and hair.  … Continue reading Defining Grounded

The Wordless Color

I have found myself over and over again contemplating grief.  There isn't even a medical condition for it.  There is no physician coding, there isn't a medication you can take to cure it or its symptoms.  The most hilarious encounter I have had throughout this process was applying for intermittent leave, while I was explaining … Continue reading The Wordless Color